Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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