Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have post one night stand depression
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
