let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
