you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
