I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
