I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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