I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
