Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
