No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
