This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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