Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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