I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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