That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize