Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
