I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
