chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
