I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
