this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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