nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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