I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
