I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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