never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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