His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
