Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am naked and annoyed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
