I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
