Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
