You just made me feel so damn special
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
