is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
