false alarm. still invincible.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
