just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im six kinds of drunk right now
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
