look no pants
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Damn victory sex feels great
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
