I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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