so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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