Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
