He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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