You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize