that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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