as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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