Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
