U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
