Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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