Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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