I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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