babies were throwing up all over the place
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
