She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize