Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
