He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
