why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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