please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
