I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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