sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
