You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize