Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
