evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
