I think I won the penis lottery.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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