I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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