so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
