How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
