I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
