u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
