I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
